That's the simplest way I can phrase it, without putting the blame on the wrong people and saving their reputations from the 0 readers I have in here.
But it's done.
They did what they did, apologetically or not.
And it was so wrong and absurd that it ate me up. The anger, the pain ate me up. I had to talk to my friends about it, but little did I know that my circles are huge, and people do actually care. Word spreads fast, and I eventually helped him ruin his reputation.
It became toxic.
I know I had every right to tell my friends about what he did. But it is very low of anyone to stoop down to the level of the people who betrayed them. And so I apologize if I ever did.
No one reads this blog. It's only me here. And to future me, I hope you're reading this as you tell yourself, "I don't regret anything."
You did nothing wrong. Well, you did. You kept your relationship from your parents. Honestly, if you didn't, none of this would have happened. But it's done. They were hurt. You were hurt. Everybody was hurt.
Previously you said you wish he comes back for you, begs for you, and you'll leave him begging. Now he's doing exactly that, how does it feel?
I know deep inside of me that I still love him. That was almost a year of true friendship, sacrifices, heartfelt moments, companionship and support through thick and thin. How the heck can you unlove someone you went through all of those with??
But all you can do now is focus on yourself. I need to love myself more. I set that aside to give him more love and that really did not end well for you, did it?
Be whole first. Then see how it goes.
I am tired of all of this. I am tired of thinking about every lie, every betrayal. I am tired comparing myself to the girl. I am tired of trying to analyze what happened to give myself more reasons to hate him. I am tired. I am done.
This is day 1 of moving on. Let's try to let this go.
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