The things I hold inside

I hope she cheats on you. I hope you come running back to me, so I can coldly reject you and crush your heart more painfully than you did mine. I hope you crumble and break into pieces to make you realize I held those pieces together for you, and when you come back asking for me again, I will leave you on your knees, begging for everything to be the way it used to be.

But they're all just petty wishes. Because I'm not like you. I'm not a bad person. I know my values. I know myself, and that's the very reason I'm still standing despite all the things you did to me.

I guess one of the reasons why I want you to tell me you love me is because you made me feel like I'm your "main thing" -- that I'm appreciated by someone above everyone he knows. And you begged me to open up, to let me believe that I can depend on someone, that I don't always have to rely on my own strong words to keep me standing.

I guess I'm yearning for that feeling. But guess what? I don't need you for that anymore. You created a need that wasn't even there. Jokes on you, boy. No one needs you as much as you think you're needed. Stop apologizing for putting me through whatever "that" means. The impact I left on your life is far more greater than the one you left on mine, and only a fool won't know that.

Indeed, you are a fool.

You asked me to attach myself back to you as I tried to prioritize myself first. And I thought you needed that from me, so I pulled you up and pushed you to the top of my list of priorities as you faked your way through that "relationship."

You never loved me. Stop fooling yourself with that thought. You just loved the feeling of being someone's someone. And your efforts were only to feed that system, and once the system paused, you left -- like it's disposable. Like it was nothing.

From the very beginning I knew you don't deserve me. I knew myself well enough to know that. But I didn't know you. And as months went by, I realized I didn't deserve you. That you were more than what meets the eye. There was so much goodness in you that I hated anyone who failed to see that.

Jokes on me.

You don't deserve me. You two though, you deserve each other. You don't deserve my 4.0 QPI. You don't deserve my image, my reputation, my dignity, my respect. You don't deserve any of that but I still gave myself to you.

Indeed, you are a fool.
And I was too, but not anymore.

In the end, you'll realize that this is the biggest mistake of your life. And no, I don't mean giving me up. I mean the fact you thought you deserved me. You don't.

And so I stop here. I just needed to throw that out there so I can continue growing as I leave you be.

Good luck. I hope contentment and happiness touch your life so you won't have to hurt anyone again.

¡Adios, asshole!