Whom Shall I Believe?

Goodness gracious, here you are again. Reading a post about my insecurities. Or is it just now that I wrote about it. Anyway.

I am only 5'3" and yet I weigh like 121 lbs. and I know for myself that it is not normal. I am not as skinny as the beautiful models we see on ANTM or as sexy as Victoria's Secret Angels (I went too far with that, unreachable)

I am not that smart, not like others who get a high ranking over the hundreds of people in a year level and yet still look pretty. I only get my ranking in my classroom, why is that? I am so dumb and not pretty and yet some say I'm not.

Others say I am fat, and really, they do emphasize it. It is like they really want me to sob in a corner and regret eating for the past 15 years of my existence. It's so unfair for those who have fast metabolisms. They don't have to suffer those treatments. They're so skinny all the time, and you have no choice but to be compared with them. I'm not that fat, I admit. But people won't even see the thing my cousin once told me, the long torso and legs, just because I'm covering them with fats.

I'm insecure and I know what for! I am really not a fan of that One Direction. I'm telling you, life has a lot of directions you can take. Life won't give you only one, that's plain and dull and... What??? People will then tell me that "One direction is given to you. It's the path we should take to achieve our goals bla bla bla" NO. Life gives you options and it's your job to choose. You won't succeed with a bunch of covers! You won't succeed when all you had to do was sing about an insecure girl and you don't why she is! Girls get insecure because people like them don't show them their worth sometimes. I get insecure because only my family appreciates how I am. Nobody even mentions it outside.

Went too far with. Too far. A friend of mine is a fan of that boy group. Sorry, if ever you are reading this. I just got carried away and wrote a lot of words that my insecurity bursts out!

I am so insensitive. Look at me now, my Chinese eyes are getting thinner and thinner as time passes by (time check: 2:08 am) By the way, I have finished my essay for college admissions. My sister is not yet done editing, and I know I'll end up erasing the whole thing and start over again with my mistakes.

Well, I have given you all the weight of my insecurities. Hope you're not mad.

P.S. - One Direction, I'm so sorry. Please don't get mad. You're handsome people, stay the way you are. My friend likes you, she wouldn't want you to change. :) Just got carried away. Stay singing those ... songs. I won't judge :)

- I am so dumb. I wish I could get in my dream university. :(( *sobs!